Thanks for asking for clarification!
You’re right, it’s less of an aesthetic and more of a lifestyle (not to say it can’t be both, of course), but at its core, it’s an identity. The same way you may identify as a redhead or a runner or gay or disabled or religious, we identify as nonhumans in human-looking bodies. There really isn’t a perfect analogy for what otherkinity is, but most ‘kin compare it to being transgender. In fact, in the late 90s one of the more commonly used synonyms was straight-up just 'transspecies’. (Take note here that most otherkin are some variant of transgender, transsexual, or genderqueer. Cis otherkin are a minority)
There are some trends that link the very different folks in our community together, but there’s a bit of a generational gap:
Among kids and teens, you’ll find a lot of outward expression, such as inhuman makeup, tails clipped on their pants, and collars - google 'teen werewolves’ and 'therian gear’ and you’ll get an idea of it (though I have to add, teen werewolves are not necessarily therians/otherkin and therians/otherkin are not necessarily wolves).
Among older otherkin, the expression is more subtle and more focused on philosophical or political discussions and long-form writing — especially essay writing; we love personal essays around here. Your awakening essay is basically how you express your otherkinity to the rest of the community lol. Everyone used to have an awakening essay somewhere on their website or blog or journal! Visual expression of otherkinity among adults tends to take the form of subtle fashion choices, such as jewelry (I always wear a pendant with a bison skull). It’s only when there’s an excuse to dress up, like a con or a LARP, that adults tend to use tails and collars.
Basically, otherkinity can look like this:
There are no dumb questions, especially not with such an underexplored topic as parallel lives!
For starters, there are different explanations/beliefs about the origins of parallel lives. I have psychological beliefs - I essentially believe it’s something my brain does outside of my control. Others have spiritual beliefs, for example that they’re connected to a real physical entity (which ties into early soulbonding experiences…).
Secondly, a life can be parallel in many different ways. It can be directly parallel, where one day in this life equals one day in your other life and both have equally certain pasts and uncertain futures. It can be a life which has already ended, but where you uncover memories in a linear real-time way.
You can have an idea of how your parallel life will eventually end, but only have a connection with the point in their life that parallels your present life most closely (that’s basically how my Ben life works - I know of many events that will happen in his future, but I’m most strongly connected to the version of him that’s 2 years older than my present self, no matter what age I presently am).
It can also be narratively parallel, where the events of your present life and the events of your parallel lives somehow match up. For example, when I moved out of my mom’s house, my gnoll-self simultaneously moved away from the clan. Or it can just be temporally parallel, where the events have no connection with each other and the lives simply take place at the same time.
You can feel like you’re “split” between worlds, like half of you lives on Earth and half of you lives somewhere else, or you can feel like you’re one whole person who has a foot in each world.
You can have varying levels of control over your parallel lives, ranging from none to omnipotence. And you can have varying levels of connectivity, from your parallel self being unaware of your present life and to them essentially being kin with you.
And I’m sure I’ve forgotten some variations. There isn’t exactly a handbook for parallelity. But I hope this helped :)
I say go for it. It’s something I regularly do with no ill effects. After the first couple of forced and artificial-feeling attempts, it should come easy to you. I can’t really describe how I do it, though, my method kinda just amounts to “thinking very hard about it.”
This is less of a concise guide and more just stream of consciousness about what you can expect, so sorry if anything is confusing:
In my experience - and according to two others I’ve talked to who have parallel lives - projecting into parallel lives feels a bit like being a passenger in your own body. It’s possible that you’ll have some limited control or ability to communicate with your alternate self, but it’s more likely you’ll just be along for the ride. Also, be prepared for mind-numbing mundanity: Depending on your type and degree of parallelity, you might end up just experiencing your alternate self walking, cleaning, reading, going to the bathroom, cooking, napping, etc., and you just have to get used to that. You also might have difficulty projecting if your alternate self is asleep - at least I know I get nothing out of trying to project after my parallel selves have gone to bed.
Here’s some of my past attempts to describe the experience:
Also, time can work differently in your alternate lives. Try not to think too hard about it if time seems to pass by very slowly or very fast for them, or if they’re in a different timezone or you suddenly get glimpses into their past or future. It’s all just part of the weirdness of parallel lives.
It’s hard to say, since it was such a gradual realization for me. I think, over time, I just put the pieces together. I could never picture them as past lives, and the idea that they might be future lives didn’t cross my mind. Concurrent lives just made sense, y'know? Because they are fully fledged lives, that much I’ve known since the beginning.
A good hint that your kintype may be parallel, rather than past or future, could be (as you mentioned) only knowing events of their life up to a certain point (though this could also mean that your kintype died at that point, if it’s a past life, or that your brain is just blocking off later events in their life, for whatever reason).
Another thing I’ve observed is that a lot of your noemata just feel like they’re happening right now - I don’t know how else to describe it, you just have a gut feeling that they aren’t past or future, but current.
In response to this post.
Don’t be afraid of Page. He’s just a guy on the internet. A guy who’s published some good writings and spearheaded some good projects, yeah, but still ultimately just a guy. It shouldn’t matter if you’re disagreeing with timber wolf #69420 or goddamn Orion Scribner, your opinion is valuable, your opinion adds nuance to a discussion that desperately needs nuance, and your opinion deserves to be listened to. You have nothing to apologize for.
If you want to hide for a little while until things have calmed down, then by all means go ahead, no one should be forced to debate. But I think you should at least consider staying.
Related post.
It’s something I came up with for characters that are incredibly similar to my current self, either in their personality, storyline, the challenges they face, or something else. Characters that I am not, but where I still feel like I’m looking in a mirror when I see them go about their day.
So far, the only one I’ve for sure had that experience with is Abe Sapien, and specifically only the version of him in the Dark and Terrible comics. Our personalities match to a T, it’s a bit terrifying haha. The personality typers have him pegged as an INTP/5w6, but after Fenix sets him on the path to become the new Oannes and his entire sense of self has been uprooted and a grand destiny’s been forced upon him, you can’t convince me he’s not changed into an INFP/4w5. He makes the exact same choices I would’ve made, has the exact same considerations I have, and wants the same things I want. It’s a very surreal feeling.
I think I’ve had the same experience (to a lesser degree - he’s just a bit more calculating and solution-minded than I am) with Grubbs Grady, but it’s been a few years since I last read the Demonata, so I’m not 100% sure.
My approach to fears is always to jump head first into it and start administering your own exposure therapy. Though, that’s mostly for more tangible fears. Spiders, darkness, heights, clowns, that kind of stuff… I’m not sure how you’d go about dealing with a metaphysical fear. Even the fear of ghosts is more tangible than the fear of divine retribution.
Perhaps start with examining what specifically scares you. Is it the concept of sin (or something akin to it)? Is it a fear that you’ll get hurt physically or spiritually? Is it just the whole idea of not knowing what will happen? Whatever the case, I suggest getting familiar with what scares you. You could try communicating with angels, if that’s up your alley, or you could read scholarly texts about angels (you’ll probably be surprised how little consensus there is on their behaviors and motivations!). The more familiar you get with something, the more likely it is for fear to become fascination.
If your fear is more just “fear of the unknown,” certain exercises can help you accept that there will always be unknowns in your life. Here’s some reading to get you started:
https://www.talkspace.com/mental-health/conditions/articles/irrational-fears-anxiety/
https://www.proquest.com/openview/efd778e14375d254587371953f66bdf8/
This is just a blog post but I feel like it might help put things into perspective: https://annasayce.com/overcoming-your-fear-of-the-spirit-world/
Yeah, that would fit under “paratype.”
I’ve been a bit wishy-washy about the definition of that word because I wanted it to be as broad as possible, but I wasn’t originally sure where to draw the line. After a couple years of discussion with the community, I believe the best definition would be “An animal, object, character, or concept that’s important to your identity, but only because of it’s connection to your pre-established identity.” It can be connected to a kintype, a hearttype, a vaguetype, a link, or any other identity type. The key part is that it only exists because of its connection to your already established identity – or, rather, that it’s an offshoot of your established identity.
A kintype is something you are. It can be spiritual, it can be psychological, you can be partially or wholly your kintype, no matter what, it’s something you are.
A hearttype is something that affects who you are as a person – it’s probably one of your key traits – but you are not necessarily your hearttype.
Something can be both a hearttype and a kintype. But if you are not the thing, it’s not a kintype.
For example, I am a bison. When I close my eyes and try to envision my body, I see a bipedal bison. When I interact with people, all my thoughts and actions have bison qualities. I make similar choices and have similar preferences to a bison who was raised by humans. I feel at home in the same places a bison would. Of course, I’m also a fan of bison – I have pictures and figurines of them throughout my apartment –, but the key part is that I see myself as a bison.
I am not a spider. But one of the main spirits my practice centers around is a spider. I try to get my hands on every spider book and piece of spider memorabilia I can. I have 12 pet tarantulas and I cultivate cellar spiders around my apartment, feeding them, moving them around, cleaning up after them, etc. Overcoming my childhood arachnophobia was a turning point for me and changed how I view my own psyche. I would not be the person I am without spiders. But I don’t see myself as a spider.
We’re all different and we all realize and accept things at our own pace. I spent 5 years with very obvious gender dysphoria before accepting I’m probably some flavor of trans. The same thing can happen with kintypes. Sometimes your egg just has a really hard time cracking. Nothing strange or illogical about that - especially if you had reasons to not want the egg to crack, whether that be and unsupportive environment, or some more personal issues you had to work through. We all discover ourselves at different speeds and in different ways :)
For historical reasons there isn’t an otherkin equivalent, no. “Suntherian,” like “contherian,” was coined as a protest against the shifting narrative in the old therian communities. It was thought that shifting was a necessary part of therianthropy, and non-shifting therians were often scoffed at. Here’s an old essay on the topic.
That’s not to say that you can’t make up a new term if you feel it’s useful. I’m all for creating new language! But, yeah, it’s just never been that necessary in the otherkin community when compared to the therian community. You could also just use the term ‘vacillant’ to describe your otherkinity; it’s a synonym of the sun-prefix.
The experiences I’ve read from factualkin don’t sound like simple past lives (never mind that not every one of them has a spiritual basis for their identity). It sounds like these people have more in common with human(oid) fictionkind than they do with humans from outside the community. Because of these similarities (and despite their human identities) I do not believe it will be detrimental to us to let factualkin to use the otherkin tag, since that’s basically the community hub here on tumblr (I don’t think anyone searches the alterhuman tag before they search the otherkin tag when looking for alterhuman posts, though that might just be my own bias). I don’t believe any harm will come from allowing space for factualkin in the otherkin tag.
The existence of factualkin leaves a bad taste in many community members’ mouths, but so does the existence of nonhumans with nonhuman attractions or fictionkind with problematic kintypes or otherkind with kintypes that are just too weird, etc. Being uncomfortable about someone else’s identity/self-perception (with no regard for their actual actions) is not an excuse to exclude them from community hubs. And I fear it will be more detrimental to our community’s development to exclude them than to welcome them. I believe our community will benefit from hearing factualkin narratives.
I really believe factualkin have more in common with fictionkind than not. After all, none of us can know what really goes on inside the minds of celebrities and historical figures - all we know are the 2-dimensional and, dare I say it, fictionalized versions of them that have been presented to the public.
Are factualkin otherkin? That’s too complicated to answer, since they’re not other-kind-than-humankind, but they are arguably fictionalized versions of people other than their present selves, which is definitely not a human experience. I don’t think prescribing a definition to these kinds of words is very helpful.
A better question would be: Do factualkin find themselves at home around otherkind? Do they feel at home with the kinds of support, experience sharing, and narratives we have here? And that question is for factualkin themselves to answer.
If you come to me and say “the things you discuss and the ways you discuss it and the community you’ve built and the ways you present yourselves all resonate with me” then I’m not gonna tell you to bugger off just because you don’t fit the dictionary definition of what our community is about. If you tell me you feel more at home here than anywhere else, then my door is open. And if you later find a community elsewhere then you’re free to leave and I’ll rest in the knowledge that I provided shelter for you when no one else could or would.
If it makes me feel icky or weird to consciously change it, it’s more likely to be a noema than a headcanon.
Like, I frequently change up my headcanons about Osmosians (Kevin’s species in Ben 10). I’ve pushed the idea on the fandom that they’re cryptids just because it’s fun. But in my heart I know that they’re aliens (that have probably lived among humans for a few centuries, leading to all the confusion about their origins).
It just feels wrong when I try to intentionally change my noemata. That’s the most clear giveaway for me. Something just stops me from changing it.
I’m still kind of trying to decide how much it really matters, in the end. I mean, there are things that I engage with in Avatar fandom that really don’t affect my hearthome-ish feelings toward Pandora - my Na’vi OCs being the prime example. But if something ends up being part of the hearthome feels, and impacting how I view and experience my fictomere… how much does it really matter how much I “made it up” versus how much it’s “real”? I mean, it matters to me, but perhaps it shouldn’t matter enough to put me through hours of low-key crisis trying to parse out exactly how much can be 100% certainly labeled noema versus how much has to have the headcanon doubt attached to it.
I can’t know you and your life, of course, but even though I was a bison in a past life, that is not what makes me a bison presently. I’ve spent past lives as everything from bugs to people. But the only life that significantly affects my current sense of self is the bison life. Why is that?
Your kintype is so much more than just a past life. Your kintype affects your self-perception, the way you perceive and interact with people, and your perception of the world itself. You can experience shifts and instincts and all kinds of nonhuman-ish things without believing they’re caused by a past life.
I’m currently a gnoll, not because I was a gnoll once, but because a gnoll is what I see when I close my eyes and because I interact with the world the way a gnoll raised by humans would. It doesn’t matter if I was a gnoll in another life, because I know I’m a gnoll in this life.
Have you tried mindfulness? It sounds cliché, but some of the methods really can help mediate shifts and make them less intense. I don’t have enough experience with mindfulness to tell you how best to modify these exercises to work for you (literally, my own approach to mindfulness is just “thinking very hard and long about what’s happening”), but you might be able to draw some inspiration from these:
- A Primer on Present Moment Awareness
- Mindfulness Grounding Techniques
- Three Mindfulness Exercises for Anger
- How to Use Mindfulness for Anger Management
- It may sound contradictory but mild exercise can help you recover from fatigue faster. Here’s a youtube video with some very simple and quick exercises.
- In case you have mobility issues, here are some seated exercises.
- Self care isn’t just bubble baths and face masks. Learn about the different kinds of self care and do what you can to practice those.
- Finally, here’s a list of simple things (including bubble baths and face masks) you can do to take better care of yourself and your body.
Imma be honest, it’s still not easy. I’ve dealt with internalized anti-fictionkin sentiments since I awakened. But just talking about it helps (at least it helps more than keeping quiet does). And the community clearly needs more fictionkind writings, so I might as well take on a bit of that burden :’)
Your kintype or hearttype alone will never make you a villain. The fact that you view the character as a villain - and that you seem to view villainy as something bad - is proof enough of that.
There’s no one right way to approach having a villainous kin-/hearttype. You have to figure out what works for you and what makes you happy, regardless of what the rest of the community says.
Instead of focusing on the traits of your kin-/hearttype that you dislike or don’t related to, try looking for the traits you do relate to. Do you empathize with the character? Do you feel like their experiences are somehow analogous to your own? Do you have similar personalities? Were you the character in another life and do you still carry those experiences with you? None of those things are bad. It’s not bad to have deep and personal feelings towards a character, no matter how many others dislike the character and no matter what reasons they have for disliking the character. Your feelings are your own and they don’t have to make sense to anyone other than yourself.
Your kin-/hearttype is only one aspect of yourself. It can be a very big aspect, sure, but you still have the choice to act like or unlike them.
As for dealing with the reactions others might have to you when they learn about this aspect of your identity, I’m afraid I don’t have much advice. Explain yourself when you feel like it’s worth the effort, but don’t over-exert yourself trying to get everyone to understand. Block people if you have to. Search out other fictionfolk who have villain identities if you feel the need.
And most importantly, be patient. These things always fall into place eventually.
Sure, I can’t see why not? A paratype can be as vague as it can be specific. It can be every single type of (for example) dragon or it can be a specific version of one particular kind of dragon.
There isn’t really anything “official” in this community - the symbols and such are just whichever ones the community likes the most. Anyone can come up with new symbols and flags at any time ^^
The flags I’ve seen used most often are the nonhuman unity flag made by Cula/synanthrope:
For historical reasons, I don’t think there are equivalents to “contherian” in the other communities. Contherianthropy was coined out of necessity, to go against the very pervasive werewolf narrative that existed on AHWw in the 90s. Back then, shifting was considered a defining trait of therianthropy - you wouldn’t be considered a “real were/therian” if you didn’t shift. Contherianthropy was a rebellion of sorts. Here is the coining essay: http://web.archive.org/web/20051028221321/http://www.leonine.com/~lion/cthwww/mt_d_001.txt
You’re free to coin any and all terms you like, and I know some people would be very happy to have an equivalent term for constant other-/fictionkinity. But it’s not a term that has been necessary for communication or community development, since the otherkind and fictionkind communities have never had this inescapable werewolf narrative.
Ugh, I hate that discourse. Do they even realize what they’re saying? I never see these people complaining about therianthropy, so they’re essentially saying it’s more okay to relate to and understand animals, than people of color. They’re saying it’s more okay to have a past life as an animals than a person of color. They’re saying some humans have more in common with a different species than they do with other humans.
Race and ethnicity only exist in a social context and our perceptions of them can change drastically over a very short period of time. Race is a social construction, even more than gender is. What’s next, can a Scandinavian person not have Polish past lives because Polish people are discriminated against here? Are Turkic peoples “allowed” to have both European and Middle Eastern past lives because no one can agree if they’re white or brown? Should I pretend I don’t have a past life in the Andes Mountains because I grew up in Denmark?
Race is an artificially upheld division. Ethnicity is even more artificial. And nationality is the most artificial of all. As long as you don’t talk over those who are currently being affected by these constructs and divides, you’re good. Human or not, we’re all born to human parents in a human world, with human socialization and bodies perceived as human. We have more in common with other humans than with other species.
Quantum mysticism is a bit of a catch-all term for a lot of things we tend to discuss in this community, such as energetic resonance or souls moving from planet to planet (and souls in general, depending on how you believe souls work). The term has very negative connotations and is often used to talk about mystics who scam their followers, but I unfortunately don’t know of a better umbrella term for these kinds of ideas.
Extended mind theory is a bit abstract, but I’m gonna try to simplify it (hopefully it makes more sense than my many attempts at explaining archetypes jfhksd):
Extended mind theory is the idea that cognition doesn’t just reside in the brain but extends into the rest of the world. Objects in the environment are part of the mind - the most simple and easy to accept example is that a pencil and a notepad become an extension of your mind once you use them to write down a mathematical problem. Another example is that a spider’s web is an extension of its sensory system and thus it’s cognitive system.
Someone who depends on external objects to navigate their environment is likely to view these objects not just as an extension of themself, but as a part of themself. The example given by the philosopher who first proposed this idea (note that he did not propose “extended mind theory” as an identity thing, only as a cognition thing) was a person with Alzheimer’s who relies on a notebook to find his way around, and whose notebook could be viewed as “fragile biological limb or organ” that he “wants to protect from harm.”
Anything that you’re coupled to, which plays a functional role in your cognition, can be considered an extension of your mind. This includes social institutions that allow you to engage in cognitive activities that you are unable to do purely in the head, like legal systems, research practices, and cultural institutions.
Examples of extensions that could lead to an other-/fictionkind identity:
- Service animals
- Artificial intelligences
- Lessons
- Books
- Roleplays
- Teachers and helpers
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extended_mind_thesis
https://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/courses/concepts/clark.html
https://uhra.herts.ac.uk/bitstream/handle/2299/11533/gall12SociallyExtended.pdf;jsessionid=EE21FA3656964DF5B592B9B4761BD33F?sequence=4
Any alterhuman whose identity is connected to a work of fiction. Fictionkind, fictionhearted, fictives, and more are included in the fictionfolk term :)
Links and constels are still identifications as something. You still see yourself as the thing. Additionally, astral limbs are neither necessary to be ‘kin (there are many 'kin and therians who don’t have astral limbs or phantom limbs), nor are they necessarily a part of a 'kink identity (many people experience phantom limbs, regardless of their identity).
If I were you I’d look into otherheartedness and synpaths. To be otherhearted means to identify with something so strongly that it becomes a part of your identity, but without viewing yourself as the thing. Otherheartedness can present itself many different ways - it might feel like your hearttype is your sibling, or like you should have been your hearttype even though you aren’t, or like your hearttype represents some aspect of yourself, and so on. Synpath is more of an umbrella term, best explained by its coining post: https://aestherians.tumblr.com/post/152549588889/
EDIT: I was mistaken - constels can be identifications with and as. The creator specifically left it vague. The point still stands that astral limbs alone are not an indicator of whether something’s a kintype, hearttype, link, constel, or any other identity :)
Pet regression is supposed to make you feel safe and free from responsibilities, from what I understand. Mental shifts have no inherent purpose and can even be distressing at times.
It is possible to distance yourself from your kintype, but I won't actually recommend it unless you're certain that's what you want. Because of how much of our self-perception is tied to our kintypes, distancing from them can be distressing or have unintended consequences.
It's a good sign that you're aware your current thoughts/behavior are not something you want - that self-awareness is what makes it possible for you to change. But "getting meaner" is kinda vague, and in order to work on yourself, while still having your kintype, you need to get more specific. Are you becoming more cynical or derisive or defensive? Less tolerant or patient or understanding?
Find the patterns in your behavior that you don't like and try to work on them, detached from their connection to your kintype. Recognize when you are thinking or doing something "bad." Acknowledge that these feelings/actions are present and that they can have bad consequences, but that they don't make you an inherently bad person. Then make the conscious choice to act in a way you find "good," even if it goes against your instincts.
For a while you might feel like you're "just pretending" to be good, that this isn't "the real you," and similar unhelpful things. It's normal to meet this kind of resistance when you're changing your mindset and behavior. Eventually, your resistance will fade and your new patterns will feel natural.
However, if the "bad" impulses persist, no matter how hard you work on changing yourself, then yes, distancing yourself from your kintype might be the best solution. Just be prepared that it might have some unintended side effects, depending on how strongly connected to your kintype you are and how great a distance you build. You might experience dissociation, general dysphoria, or a less solid sense of self. All these things can be overcome, but it will require additional work.
Distancing yourself from your kintype isn't actually that difficult for most people. I'll copy-paste part of Chordata's guide to making otherlinks go away, because the process is basically the same (just replace 'link' with 'kin'):
- Stop engaging with it. This sounds very 'It'll go away if I ignore it long enough', but that's exactly it. A linktype should fade when you don't engage with it anymore. Don't approach this by thinking "I'm not allowed to think about this anymore", but instead, every time when your linktype comes up, acknowledge it, and replace that thought with something else. If you struggle with this, examine what 'triggers' you to think of your linktype. Mindfulness is a powerful thing that often goes underestimated.
- If your linktype started off without these issues, try to find out what caused it to change to become negative. Maybe there are other factors in your life that're putting stress on you and it shows through your linktype.
- Talk to a therapist (, or, if you can't access therapy, an understanding friend). Yes, tell them specifically about the linktype and the problems you have with it. A second person can shine a light on aspects you didn't notice.
"Therianthrope" directly translates to "animal-person," so in a way it is species specific - you have to be an animal to be a therian. There are different ways to define "animal," though.
The absolute strictest definition I've seen is that it has to be a four-footed beast (preferably a mammal), which would exclude insects, birds, and fish, among others.
A slightly less restrictive definition includes all currently existant animals, but excludes long-extinct animals like dinosaurs. This has led some therians to use the term paleotherian, whether as reclamation, to avoid confusion, or for ease of finding others similar to them.
The definition I initially learned includes all animals that have existed on Earth at some point, but it excludes animals of myth. This led to the creation of the term theriomythic.
The broadest definition of "animal" doesn't care about taxonomy, but is only concerned with whether the identity is animalistic in nature. It includes all animals, regardless of whether they have legs, are extinct, or have even been proven to exist. This definition is typically also inclusive of animals from modern fiction. Though there has been some backlash against fictional animals calling themselves therians, which led to the creation of the term fictherian.
Theriantropy should ideally have nothing to do with your species or spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof). It should only be about animality and being an animal in a human body.
If you feel this way, it's probably because you've been rejected in the past or have at some point had a hard time making friends. It's okay, it happens to the best of us.
Most of the conflicts are probably in your head. You're among like-minded individuals now, who will not think you're weird and will not cast you out just for being yourself. And I know simply knowing it's in your head doesn't make it a lot easier to deal with, because anxiety is a bitch, but just getting that reminder every once in a while can help.
Navigating social situations is hard when you're not used to it. You gotta strike the perfect balance between "be yourself" and "fake it till you make it." Here are a few tips that might make you more confident:
- Be open about your struggles. Explain to the others that you're not used to talking so they know to be gentle and understanding with you. Clear communication is awesome. That said...
- ...don't immediately trauma-dump on strangers. Give them just enough snippets that they understand your situation (for example, "I'm not good at reading tone" is more than enough information - no need to explain why that is or how it's affected you throughout your life, until you get to know the other users better).
- On tumblr, just share your experiences and opinions! If you throw enough writings at the wall, eventually something will stick. The tumblr community adores long-form writing, personal essays, and questions that lead to discussions/experience-sharing.
- Check if it's really just you who isn't getting the responses you thought you would, or if other users are left hanging too. Related to that...
- ...try to use emoji reactions on discord. Everyone likes to feel seen and heard, and just reacting to someone's message with an emoji can brighten their day
- Don't take social cues from sitcoms. Yes, seriously. Mean jokes, one-liners, and zingers only work in sitcoms. Way too often, I see people trying to act like this in real life and it just never works. Don't try to be funny, just try to be nice.
- Be helpful, but don't be a know-it-all. Again, hard balance to strike (and definitely one I personally struggle with!!). Answer questions so no one's left hanging and add your opinion to discussions to keep the conversation going, but at the same time, admit when you're wrong and don't speak as if your opinion is The Truth if you know it's just your opinion.
- If a difficult or emotional conversation is going down, and you're unsure what to say, it's probably best to stay out of it.
- Move on from your mistakes. We've all read the room wrong at some point. It happens. Just apologize (a quick "Sorry, I think I misunderstood the situation" is more than enough), learn from it, and more on.
Never stop trying to reach out! Eventually you'll find a corner of the community you vibe with :)
"Otherkind" is the original form of the word. It derives from "elvenkind" and means you are "of another kind than humankind." "Otherkin" is a few months younger than otherkind and most likely derives from a typo or a misunderstanding. Its meaning is usually interpreted as "being kin (i.e. family) to something other than human."
The connotations of otherkind, with a d, are that you're more serious about your identity, or that you're well-versed in community lore. It signals to likeminded folks that you know what you're talking about, that you know what otherkinity is, and that you haven't misunderstood the whole thing. So, basically, it's a quick way to show others that you aren't kin-for-fun. I feel like I'm making it sound really pretentious, sorry, that really isn't my intention, but I don't know how else to explain it xD
There aren't that many connotations with otherkin, without the d. There are serious nonhumans who use the word and there are kin-for-fun who use the word.
It's not that controversial of an opinion, at least here on tumblr, though most people don't state it out right, for fear of inviting KFF/kinnies into the community. It's a valid concern, don't get me wrong, but I'm much more worried about pushing potential otherkind away than about attracting wishkin.
"Voluntary" and "involuntary" are really impossible concepts to grapple with when you're talking about identity. I didn't choose to have a past life as a bison, but when I first became aware of it, it was very faint and I did choose to reinforce every bison feeling I had until it became a solid part of my identity. So did I choose to be a bison therian? I don't care. It's part of who I am now. I can't recognize myself without bison.
Much more important than choice, or lack thereof, is whether your nonhuman side is something that's inherent to your self-perception. It doesn't matter whether you initially chose to create a link with a character, if that character eventually becomes such a strong part of your identity that you feel more at home in the fictionkind community.
And, hell, I'd argue that links aren't entirely voluntary either - I could choose to create a horse otherlink because horses mean something to me, but I don't think I could create a Subaru or sardine or Sherlock otherlink because none of those things mean anything to me. In order to create a succesful link, you have to have some sort of connection to your link beforehand. Does that make links involuntary? Do you see how many problems arise when we tell people which communities they belong to based on something as nebulous as voluntarity?
To boot, involuntarity is actually pretty recent addition. If you look at definitions before the 2010s, they'll say that your kintype or theriotype is inherent, but they'll rarely say that it's involuntary.
First off, the creator of the term 'choicekin' meant for it to basically be another word for 'copinglink-turned-kintype', but later stated that it was divorcing itself from the term because 1) this was already a somewhat accepted experience that didn't really need a separate word, and 2) the word was really confusing and just made people mad.
Thinking you might awaken as something, can be a good indicator that you're already on your way to awakening as it. However, it can also indicate that your potential kintype is similar to the thing you're kinsidering, but you just have more of an affinity to what you're currently kinsidering. Wanting to be kin with a thing is both a very common 'kin experience and 'hearted experience. Check out this post:
I mostly use 'gnoll' because it's the quickest way to get the idea across. I'm a hyena-like humanoid from an RPG-esque world, and I share my world with orcs, dragons, humans, and goblins, to name a few. But I have very little in common with gnolls as they're presented in most D&D and Pathfinder books.
Funnily enough, I was about to write that the earlier D&D editions are more like my canon, just because they leave more room for interpretation, but while double-checking I came across Pathfinder 2nd Edition Mwangi Gnolls and. I haven't heard of these before but. uhhh. that description is so bewilderingly close to my noemata, I feel like I'm having flashbacks reading it. The only really notable divergences I can pick out from that description are 1) we're a lot smaller, both in size and numbers, 2) we worship different gods, and 3) we live on steppes, not savannas. But all the social roles and the traditions and the hierarchy is spot on o.o;
So anyways yeah my gnoll identity is heavily TTRPG influenced - and I guess I'm not as canon divergent as I thought. I'd just been looking at the wrong canon for the last 5 years xD
My Ben canon is both very similar and very divergent to the source material. I didn't find the Omnitrix until I was 13, and I never removed it willingly, so my timeline is skewed by a few years. But all the events of the show are pretty much identical.
First of all, see if you can get someone to take a look at your back. Tension from carrying around a backpack or having bad posture can feel a lot like the heaviness of wings. Even if you have genuine phantom wings, tension can distort their shape, placement, weight, and movement.
Once you've ruled that out, work on the three R's: Record your experiences in a journal. Research related topics, such as wing types and shapes, how these wings are related to the animal's behavior, what other creatures might have wings, and so on. Reflect on your findings, for example by meditating or by letting your mind wander while doing menial tasks.
Most importantly, be patient and keep an open mind! It might take a while to figure out what sort of being you are, and the answer might not be what you expect :)
It's my home. I wouldn't leave my house just because there's a leak in the roof or a nail sticking out of a floorboard. I do what I can to make it cozy here, I try to fix the leak when it reappears and I hammer the nail back in every time it pops out. It will never be perfect. There will always be stuff left to fix. But it's my home, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
Many of them can be spiritual, yes, but they can also be more mundane! It's hard to draw a line between what's spiritual and non-spiritual - very few things are strictly one or the other. Are quantum mystical beliefs spiritual or not? They could be either or both. The same goes for telepathy and other forms of ESP, nonhuman ancestry, possession, energy work, archetypes, out-of-body experiences, externalism, primal links, social contagion, mind-altering substances, and so on. Plenty of things straddle the border between the paranormal and mundane.
I don't actively search for noemata most of the time. They just sorta appear on their own when I'm in the right headspace. They can appear when I'm on a walk, cleaning the toilet, cooking dinner, feeding my pets, biking, vacuuming, showering… basically any activity that occupies my hands but not my mind.
It can be very tempting to always fill these silent moments with music or audiobooks, but I don't think it's a healthy habit in the long run. You need quiet to process your thoughts. And there are certain problems that can only be solved, certain ideas that can only thrive, and certain noemata that can only appear in these quiet moments. It's meditation for the layperson.
In these quiet moments, I'll often get a noema that's just a quick flash or really vague. I don't immediately incorporate it into my identity (usually because I can't because it's so quick and vague it barely makes sense). I write down whatever I experienced and I spend days, or sometimes even weeks or months, ruminating on it and trying to decipher it.
Here's one example: One night, last September, while trying to fall asleep, I saw a flash of me embracing Ïʀya and stroking hrir armor. Most vividly, I felt hrir scalemail under my claws. We were sitting at the mouth of a tiny cave and the sun was either setting or rising outside. The scenario was in my head for less than a second and then it was gone.
This noema was most of all confusing - prior to it I had never known my mate to wear armor and I had no noemata related to caves. It's been about 5 months and I'm still trying to figure out how exactly it fits with all the other noemata I've had. But a picture is starting to form. I awakened as a druid. My mate and I went on a pilgrimage. We stole armor and weapons from some bugbears and goblins. We got in trouble. The chronology of it all is hard to figure out.
Mostly, I don't actively work on figuring out my noemata. I try to work passively, I guess, processing it in the back of my mind while doing other stuff. If you go all the way back in my gnoll tag, you'll see I started at "well, it's got claws and a snout and a tail" and just kept building onto that over the course of several years. Always running gnoll.exe in the background.
I've heard of plenty of singlets before who have kintypes from the same source, or even the same canon. It's possible your kintypes don't share timelines/dimensions/narratives - so while they might have the same source, their canons differ. It's also possible they might have experienced events differently and thus formed different memories - what's a mild inconvenience to one person could very well be a huge obstacle to a different person.
The psychological beliefs are more or less the same, regardless of if the identity is fictional, mythological, or earthly. Imprinting is the most common belief - the idea that the 'kin in question imprinted on a creature or character during an impressionable stage of life, and that it's now an inextricable part of them.
There's also the belief that someone's 'mental map' of their body doesn't match their physical body, that they've subconsciously latched onto something that more closely matches their mental map, and just kept reinforcing the connection until it became a permanent part of themselves.
As for how noemata (or other-life-memories) work within a psychological framework, the main belief is that the brain is very good at making stuff up. False memories are a well-studied phenomenon and according to the theory of reconstructive memory, all our memories are 'made up,' in a sense, anyways.
The following is an addition from Angel (@blackboxwarriors):
For psychological reasons related to disorders specifically, it can be due to some disorders creating an unstable sense of who you are as a symptom. So the brain might go "Hey, this seems close enough" and grab it.
It can also be like gaining an identity due to trauma, hyperfixations, spins (special interests), or just other factors.
For me specifically, I experience it due to my BPD. With no stable sense of self, I already am a sponge for everything around me, since I myself feel hard to define and a walking contradiction. So, when I gain a new identity, it helps define who I am. Gaining a new form can be for a few reasons too, like one of them being a coping mechanism if people are upset with me (New form is interpreted as a different version of me, so the brain goes "They aren't upset with me but with that other version").
Things don't have to be a 1:1 match for you to call them by the same name. You can use words just to quickly communicate an idea. I use 'gnoll' to communicate 'hyena people' without getting into a whole speech about biology and culture and how bad the concept of racial alignments is. You can use 'sabertooth' to communicate any number of things that aren't exactly Smilodon fatalis. Best of luck with the self discovery! :)
Kintypes don't have to be constantly present for them to be kintypes. It's one of the most common experiences, so it makes sense that there would be this misconception, but there's both anecdotal and historical precedence for kintypes that lay dormant for long stretches of time.
In the old therian communities, there was a pretty persistent werewolf narrative - if your theriotype was present every moment of the day, rather than only being noticeable during shifts, you would've been considered a bit of an oddball. This is why the term contherianthropy was coined: A therian who doesn't shift but is in a constant state of animality.
Only sensing your kintype during shifts (and only entering shifts when they're triggered by something) is not as strange as you might think :)